Murder by Dummies by Kayce Lassiter
Murder by Dummies
by Kayce Lassiter
The Munsters had their niece, Marilyn. Buzzard’s Breath has Emily Redfeather. Being the only ‘normal’ one in the bunch ain’t for the faint of heart.
Emily Redfeather, Brittney Redfeather and Jo Parker are buried under the chaos in Buzzard’s Breath, Arizona. Between Emily getting stuck running a no-kill animal shelter, Jo’s great-aunt accidentally killing Jo’s mother and Brittney’s father blowing up the farm truck while trying to kill gophers with dynamite, the girls have their hands full sorting out the family crazies. Sanity is so tough to come by in today’s dysfunctional version of the Munster family that the girls band together to form their private sanctuary in the midst of the chaos—the Marilyn Club.
After years of dancing around their feelings for each other, Hawk and Emily struggle to find a way through the obstacles preventing them from pursuing a relationship. But the dangers of Hawk’s career stand in their way and anyone he gets close to could end up dead. As they work to solve a murder that Jo Parker’s Aunt Maddie is up to her neck in, Hawk and Emily realize they must either find a solution to their relationship challenges or put their feelings behind them and move on.
Murder by Dummies
One advantage to having nothing is that you can move fast. From the time Mr. Evans left my apartment, it took me exactly forty-two minutes to throw on some jean cutoffs and a shirt, stuff my feet into my cowgirl boots and pack up all my clothes. Thank God, I had a full set of matching Fifield luggage.
My brother had had a roommate in college who used to throw everything he owned into huge plastic garbage bags every time they moved. His last name was Fifield and after three or four moves, we started to refer to his garbage bags as ‘Fifield luggage’. Once I remembered there were trash bags in the camping gear, the rest was easy.
I stuffed all my clothes into the first six bags, shoes and boots went into the next four and makeup and what toiletries and personal items Jeremy had left behind in the bathroom drawer went into the last bag.
The biggest problem I faced was how to brush my teeth because, for some reason, Jeremy had absconded with my toothbrush as well as our shared tube of toothpaste.
Who does that? Is he going to actually use my toothbrush? Eeewww.
With no electricity for hot water and no towels to dry off with, I pretended to be camping and passed on the shower. But even when camping, I had to brush my teeth. I could buy a toothbrush on the way, but I needed what little cash I had in my purse and all my available credit to stay afloat for a while—possibly just to get home, given the condition of my old beater.
So, I searched the apartment for anything to use in place of a toothbrush. I checked all the cupboards and drawers in both bathrooms. Nothing.
The kitchen was next. The drawers yielded nothing more than a few old rubber bands and bag ties. The upper cupboards held even less. But when I opened the cabinet under the sink, I found myself faced with a huge dilemma. Jeremy apparently didn’t intend to clean the sinks in his new digs. He’d left behind the cleanser and the old, discarded toothbrush I used to scrub around the faucets.
I stared at the toothbrush for a few minutes.
Did I ever scrub the toilet with it? I don’t think so, since it’s in the kitchen.
I picked it up and stared, running my tongue over my teeth.
Are they really that bad? Maybe I can live with them for a few hours.
It felt like they were wearing little sweaters.
Nope, I’ve got no choice.
With the decision made, I examined the cleanser. The advertisements claimed this line of cleaning products was made from all natural materials and wouldn’t harm a child if ingested.
I’m not a child and I’m damn sure not brave enough to test their disclaimer. The way my luck is running, I’m the one in thirteen million, and all my teeth will fall out.
At least I won’t need a toothbrush then.
I remembered a camping trip with my parents when I was little. Mom had forgotten the toothpaste, so Beau and I had had to brush our teeth with salt. Toothbrush in hand, I made a mad dash for the camping gear one more time.
A few minutes later, I was giddy as I headed for the parking lot with my first load of garbage bags—and clean teeth. No fresh minty taste. But my teeth were clean, no green grit stuck in the crevices and the residual taste of the cleanser left in the toothbrush had begun to fade. Things were definitely looking up.
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Kayce Lassiter is a second-generation native Arizonan, and a Butterscotch Martini Girl. She is country through and through, and writes what she knows—snarky contemporary romance in a country setting—what she calls "Cowgirl Fiction”. And just for fun, she likes to throw in some redneck now and then. She is a consummate smart-alec, which shows in her humorous, heart-tugging stories about everyday people complete with broken hearts and all the flaws that come with being human. Some of her characters will make you laugh, others will touch your heart, but they will all take you to a world where dreams are possible and hearts can be mended through the power of love and laughter.